As The Angels Sang A Whisky Lullaby

Ryan said update my blog, so I am. The Son of Sam also said his dog told him to kill all those people.

Sometimes it takes awhile for things to kick in. People can tell you things you want to or need to hear and it doesnt really click until something happens to MAKE it click. That happened last Thursday. I had been in a major rut, I was having low self esteem, bad acne, and weighed far beyond what I should. Now I eat self esteem for breakfast!..with skim milk. Sorry, Heavyweights movie for you there. If you havent seen it, get it, watch it, live it, love it. Anyway back to me. My confidence was down for what reason, I have no idea. I just wasnt feeling the flow as muscle68 would say. Thursday I just wasnt feeling well in the morning, my buddy wasnt at the gym, and I just slept a lot before work. All of a sudden I went to work and I was a new man. I felt like I had felt weeks ago. And since, Ive been on the same roll. Just enjoying life and having fun. Trying to make everyones life around me better as well as people I meet and encounter. A Pay it Forward meets Jesus Christ if you will.

Download this song:

Artist: Brad Paisley Lyrics
Song: Whisky Lullaby Lyrics

She put him out
Like the burning end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart
He spent his whole life trying to forget

We watched him drink his pain away
A little bit at a time
But he never could get drunk enough
To get her off his mind
Until the night

He put the bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
He finally drank away her memory
Life is short
But this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees

We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that says I’ll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

La x 7
La x 7
La x 7
La x 7

The rumors flew
But nobody knew
How much she blamed herself
For years and years
She tried to hide the whisky on her breath

She finally drank her pain away
A little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough
To get him off her mind
Until the night

She put the bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees

We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whisky lullaby

How You Doing Since You Did...

So Emilio Hollywood and I were talking today and we both agreed on one thing:

"You know what im glad about? That me and you will never be one of those people who look back and say "school was the best time of my life, I wish I were still there"

Dynamite...Joey Dynamite

To the anonymous poster in my last blog:
I dont consider myself a midget. I'm 6 foot, it just so happens 8 inches are in my pants. Yes, the rumors are true.

"Now you say you're sorry...well honey, I agree"-Dierks Bentley

Distant Shore

We all have that one person we love more than life itself. And no matter how much we try to get over him or her, it's just not that easy. I fight this feeling everyday. Hope your weekend went well and God bless.




Everyday I swim an ocean, fightin your memory like endless waves
I surrender to the truth, I'll always love you, but I know someday.
I'm gonna reach the banks of a distant shore, where I won't miss you anymore.

Once in a while I ride the river, of whiskey wishes from an old shot glass.
But the way it used to be follows me downstream, so I keep knockin em back.
Till I reach the banks of a distant shore, where I won't miss you anymore.

Someday I'm gonna get there, It migfht take my last prayer

One of these days I'm gonna cross that ocean,some sweet angel will set me free
And they'll tell my stories, sing a song about glory, and read Psalm 23
When I reach the banks of that distant shore, where I won't miss you anymore.

Gonna rest my soul in the hands of the lord, where I won't miss you anymore.

-Dierks Bentley

Worked All Day, Got It All Done...

"That guy thinks hes got it all, but what he doesnt know is he's just a few missed paychecks away from being homeless."

Normally Id write after work but today being my only mid day shift rather than late night, I decided to write before. So as I sit here, I wonder what I'm going to run into today. Will the girl of my dreams come in? Will I get another comment about my cowboy hat? Will I get into an argument about the way things should be run as opposed to the way they are? All those questions are what make it fun. And it dawns on me some people never get to have those opportunities because they dont want to work, or do work and there job is very isolated.

I used to think my dad was always being so hard on me about working and making something of myself. Then as I got older I realized he was 110% right. I cant imagine not working and not doing something. While this may not be what I want for my whole life, it keeps me busy and keeps money in my pocket.

"You dont have to make a million, just be thankful to be working."
-Montgomery Gentry "Something to be Proud Of"

I Wish You'd Stay

Congratulations to a few people.

-The only person I ever loved lasting more than 10 months with her new love. Why I say congrats is because shes found love and thats what I hoped for. Anything longer than 10 months and a day is longer than we had and I wish them the best.

-Congrats to Kathy and good luck in going to Portugal for 26 days. And no matter what I said tonight, you're still my favorite.

-Congrats to myself for being an asshole as well. For some reason I was a total jerk today. Not to the guys, but to the girls. It was more than the average "get a heel reaction" type deal. I just wasnt in a good mood at all.

For reasons that I dont even know, I just get in these moods where I could care less what people think of me. Then I realize I'm doing it to people who actually care about me and love me. Not just some jackass' off the street. I bounce back and forth between good and bad guy and it sucks because people dont know what they are going to get on a daily basis. Thats something I cant stand from other people yet I do it myself.

Thats not to say I do it to everyone. My core group of guy friends I never have qualms with or about, other people, it varies. As I write this, a girl Ive known who has a great heart is being alientated by her own family and kicked out. Here I am alienating people who love me. Unreal.

Tommorrow will be better, cause come on, Ryan loves me and thats what matters.

Before you go to bed tonight, put 1 sneaker under your bed post and the other on the other post. Under being so you cant budge the sneaker if you tried. If anyone knows where thats from, I'll send you a cookie.

"God help keep me moving somehow, dont make me start wishing I was with her now. I made it this far without crying a single tear."-Trace Adkins

No Chance...

Kathy: "I'm not interested."

Dave: "Fat boy."

2 comments said to me the past week. I'm not mad or upset at anyone for saying it. I'm mad at myself for letting myself get to this point of my life.

See there was a point in my life where I was so structured it was sick. I lived, ate, and shit bodybuilding. Thats all I cared about and thats what consumed me. The part of me that was missing was the fun part. Fast forward to May and I begin an Evolution. Having more fun, being happier, enjoying life more. What happens? I forgo that drive I used to have. Like I said yesterday, I'm black and white, no inbetween. Apparantly I cant do both. Until now that is.

I'm constantly fighting a war, not with anyone but with myself. I'm my own worst enemy and my own worst critic. Words like "you look great" roll off me like water off my cowboy hat. Words like "Fat boy" and "Im not interested" stay with me forever. See, the whole world will feel my pain (thanks Rich) but not in a bad way. In a positive, motivating way. Through all the bullshit and lies and backstabbing I've been through I've learned to motivate myself from that.

Those two comments above were said by people who I like and enjoy seeing. They didnt mean anything bad by it, hell Kathy is dating a friend of mine in Billy. And Dave is someone Ive learned a lot from so far and will for a long time to come. But those comments motivate me. I remember seeing ESPN's Sportscentury on Tiger Woods. When Tiger was asked a simple question on golf or anything close to it, he took it as an attack and insult. He used it to drive him much like Micheal Jordan did. Thats what I do, thats what I need to start doing more. Balancing it out. Being the Evolutionized version of the old me.

For Amanda,
My buddy Johns fiance's dad says Big N Rich arent even country. Just because its got a Cowboy in the lyric doesnt make it country. His words, not mine. Regardless, its a fun song.


"What I need to do, is turn this car around, drive as fast as I can till I see the lights of our home town."-KennY Chesney

And so it begins...

If your life is worth living, it's worth recording. Thats why I'm writing this blog. My good friend muscle68 (http://muscle68.blogspot.com) has been doing this for almost a year now and I figured I have too many ideas, comments, and knowledge to keep hidden in my head.

About me. Never has a man with so much done so little. I'm 24 and I live in New York. Was born in Queens and moved north at 14. I still consider myself a Queens guy yet I want to live in the south. Wherever I end up, I dont want it to be here.

I work at helping people deliver themselves from evil. I'm currently waiting to be called for the FDNY even though I'm not sure thats what I want to do. I generally watch two things on TV: wrestling and Nip/Tuck. Thats always been my dream: wrestling. Yes, professional wrestling.

I'm single, I'm fed up. I'm black and white with no shades of grey. I'm a huge country music fan and the majority of everything else is pure k'rap.

I had one true love in life and I still love her, always will. I know what real love feels like and I know what it's like to be so close to ending it all you can feel yourself letting go.

I am closer to God than most people are or ever will be. In almost taking the life He gave me, I became one of his children.

I'm not perfect nor do I pretend to be. I have faults but I try to be a role model and a friend for people from 4 months to 40 years old. To people who have struck out in life, love, and luck. Treat me good, I'll treat you better; Treat me bad, I'll treat you worse.

I love my family, I love my friends, I have no problem saying it or expressing it. People think I'm gay, bi, straight and everywhere in between. Whatever brush they paint me with, it's ok.

I love animals and kids, I love how they act and how they react to situations.

Most of all, I love myself. If you cant love yourself, you cant love anyone else.